I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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