I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
