Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
