Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
