I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This toilet bowl is my home.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize