My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
