He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
