sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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