How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
