it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
