Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
