Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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