if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
