3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
