I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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