If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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