Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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