Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
