I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
