i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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