haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize