Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
