i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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