it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is my gift to your gina
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
