I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
