how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
