end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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