Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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