Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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