soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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