I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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