he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
