Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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