When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
