You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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