writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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