Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
