So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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