All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
