i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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