planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well I just put wine in my tea
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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