watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
