my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
