How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
