He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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