If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
