I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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