ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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