bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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