Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As shirtless as possible
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
