I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They are going to name an STD after you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
