you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
