im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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