Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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