Four minutes until I can fart!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
