I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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