The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
