i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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