What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
