Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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