i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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