Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
her vagine was all disorganized.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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