if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
