cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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