hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
