I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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