Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
