She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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