drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
