i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
