I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
