um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
