If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
